In my previous articles; part one and two, so far we tried to analyse few important factors regarding fatal and unfortunate errors that occur inadvertently while giving a daughter’s hand in marriage.Mostly it was focused on over sight caused by parents and elders.Today in this final article,we will focus on young ‘soon-to-be-married’ couples and, how to avoid the traps.
Generally speaking, in first few meetings, both the girls, and the boys, inquire about each others’ favorite foods, liking, and hobbies etc. Appearance makes the first striking impression.If one is immediately impressed towards the other, the critical eye-view gets impaired. Scrutiny gets absolved. The mind simply goes berserk and the heart starts thumping so loud, that caution is thrown out of the window.The phase of attraction rules every other actions set-in therefrom.
Unfortunately, the elders too, (as seen previously,) joins hands in their own ways. Both the young and the old, are contributing to seeing only goody goody in the other.During this phase, even if an outsider or a close person tries to warn about something going amiss in this whole saga, well; who cares to pay attention.Everything is swept under the carpet.No time, no mood!
What should actually take place is this:
Hire a detective to run a thorough background check.Spend less on decor or gifts or menu but hiring a detective is surely one way to save the girl’s life, if the groom is (or the bride) not suitable.For many readers here,this step will sound extremely drastic. But what if it saves the emotional trauma that could follow at a later stage? Of course it is expensive.But worth it.This should include checking out his character, work place behavior, his family back ground, and financial conditions too.Not to mention his social sites.
Attention should be paid to “opinions ” given by him and his family, in connection to any and all subjects. They may not be related to the forth coming combined life or wedding.Several things are revealed through small talks over a cup of coffee and casual meals.If they sound an alarm bell, DO rethink.Please do NOT ignore those signs.
The guy and the girl should focus more on what ‘irritates’ them. What makes them intolerant.For example, if the girl dislikes cooking, and if the guy is hell bent on eating delicious cuisines at home, problems are bound to rise sometime.If the guy is an adventurous person and loves mountaineering and camping frequently and passionately, he would want his wife to share the thrill. But if the girl is a homebody and loves reading and watching TV, settling for a quite atmosphere, AND on top of these, none is ready to ‘compromise’, one can imagine the outcome.
Nobody can compromise most of the time to please the other.
Also, once the wedding gets over, the daughter in law may not be treated as daughter in actual sense of the term. This hurts in a big way.How long could this daughter in law’s patience be stretched, and why?After all, does the marriage not imply, ‘happily ever after?’
One more thing.If the grooms’ mother does not know when to back out and when not to interfere in the couples’ life, and not trust daughter in laws’ decision making ability, when will the daughter in law learn? Why are these helicopter moms still hovering over their heads? Let them make there own mistakes and learn from them.If the boy is ‘grown’ enough to be married, is he not grown enough to make mistakes, adjust and then learn from them?
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