Home » Health & Beauty » Why men lose interest in sex and 8 tips to rekindle desire

Men don’t like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women — their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very threatening.

Loss of libido also makes men more unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does women.

But loss of libido is not something you have to live with. There is much you can do to regain your sex drive and your happy outlook on life.

How Do You Know if You have a Problem With Loss of Libido?

Libido loss doesn’t usually happen suddenly – it’s not like catching a cold where you wake up one morning and whoops, there it is. It can be a gradual process.

Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest – so many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is there.

But if you are in a committed relationship and having sex less often than the norm — about once a week – you might ask yourself whether you are happy with things as they are.


If you’re not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is best to grapple with these issues before they become entrenched. To help identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following questions true or false:

1. Touching takes place only in the bedroom.

2. Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.

3. One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.

4. You no longer look forward to sex.

5. Sex is mechanical and routine.

6. You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse.

7. You have sex once or twice a month at most.

“If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire. Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution.

What Accounts for Loss of Libido in Men?

The causes of this complex problem range from the physical and medical to the psychological and social. Quick fixes don’t solve everything.

* Erectile Dysfunction Causes Loss of Libido

Impotence, or ED, erectile dysfunction, is not the same as loss of libido, but when you experience one, sooner or later you are likely to feel the other as well. Only 9% of young men report being unable to keep an erection. Though ED does increase with age: It’s 16% by age40, 21% for ages 50-59; and then a sharp rise by age 60 to 29%to 40%.

The good news: depending on the cause, drugs can help that. Vasodilators, such as Sildenafil, Tadalafil and Levitra, enhance blood flow to the penis.

Performance Anxiety and Loss of Libido

Men report two major problems — anxiety about performance and premature ejaculation. Almost one in three men report premature ejaculation, while under one in five are worried about performance.

And the anxiety doesn’t stop there. Many modern, loving, and conscientious husbands feel they have not truly “performed” unless their partners climax during sex, too. And as statistics show, only 26% of women report that they always experience orgasm during sex, compared with 75%of men. No wonder men feel the pressure – and performing under pressure can cause loss of libido.

* Stress Leads to Loss of Libido

Job stress and self-esteem are also big factors. If a man’s performance at work is challenged, and he doesn’t feel he is achieving or doesn’t feel self-worth, he often numbs himself sexually. Desire is a healthy form of entitlement — when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down.

* Medical Conditions Can Cause Loss of Libido

A variety of medical problems and chronic physical conditions can diminish a man’s sex drive. Serious illnesses, such as cancer and depression, can certainly dampen any thoughts of sex. Cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and diabetes can reduce blood flow to the body, including the genitals, wreaking havoc on libido as well. Chronic alcoholism and even occasional excessive alcohol consumption are notorious for inflaming desire but impeding performance. Conditions such as thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) can also lower libido.

* Medications Can Interfere With Libido

The class of depression drugs called SSRIs (psychiatric medicines) can inhibit desire. So can tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Illicit substances, such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, when used heavily and chronically, may also cause loss of libido. On the positive side, when you talk to your doctor about these issues, there are alternative drugs for depression and other conditions that may have less of an impact on sexual desire.

* The Quality of the Relationship Is an Important Part of Libido

It is not only women who respond – with sexiness or inhibited sexuality – to how happy they are in their relationship. Problems with sex can – but do not always – signal other problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Anger and disappointment often carry over into the bedroom.

* Too Much Togetherness Can Sap Libido

The paradox of modern relationships is that greater intimacy may not make for better sex. Sometimes too much closeness stifles desire; fire needs air. Separateness is a precondition for connection. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire.

* The Wrong Kind of Respect Can Cause Loss of Libido

For some men, the very love and respect they have for their partners – especially after the birth of a baby – can become an obstacle to sexual desire. A lot of men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It feels too regressive, too incestuous. And of course, if they are pulling their weight in the care of a baby or young children, the resulting exhaustion can sap libido for men as surely as it does for women.

8 Tips for Rekindling Libido

The advice here is not so much about getting more, but getting better. Frequency is not the only measure of libido. Feelings count,too. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it before, during, and after, that is the true measure of whether your libido is healthy. Here’s how to help combat loss of libido.

1. Get physical and Boost Libido

“When you have no desire you feel frozen. Juice is not flowing – so movement is important, figuratively as well as literally. It gets people unstuck.

Take up a sport, go walking, with or without your partner. If you already walk or run or work out, try challenging yourself just a little bit further, so you feel a sense of accomplishment and vitality.

That physical confidence will carry over into sexual confidence.


2. Keep Expectations Real

It may take the pressure off performance anxiety to bear in mind that not every sexual encounter has to be perfect. Probably only about 40% to 50% of sexual events can be mutually satisfying. If you laugh off moments when things don’t work right, your partner will be more likely to want to experiment the next time around, since it takes some pressure and guilt off of her, too.

3. Use Imagination to Fight Loss of Libido

Yes, exploring your fantasies is a good thing. If you want your partner to share in the joy, you may want to both explore further some of the newer erotic literature and films that include female fantasies as well as male. After you’ve shared yours, ask your partner about her fantasies.If she says she doesn’t have any, don’t stop there. Instead, ask her to name just one thing she has ever wished a man would do to give her pleasure. (That’s a fantasy, but she may not call it that.)

4. Build Anticipation to Combat Loss of Libido

Sure, the idea of sex being utterly spontaneous –no planning, just the heat of the moment — sounds great. But for anyone with jobs, family, and real lives, there just may not be enough hours in the day to wait for the inclination to arise. Instead, turn planning into an opportunity to build anticipation, the way you look forward to going to a basketball game.Take pleasure in the details – get your partner a little gift, put on your favorite music from college days, turn off the phones so there will be no interruptions.

5. Focus on the Whole Body to Boost Libido.

For men, sexuality tends to be focused disproportionately on the genitals. Focusing on the other erogenous zones can ease performance pressure – and add new pleasure. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, the shortest distance between two points – from arousal to orgasm –is not necessarily a straight line to the genitals. Take detours along the whole body, for yourself and your partner. Be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented. Tease and touch and take your time.

6. Talk About What You Want to Increase Libido

Talking is hard in the best of times, but even harder if you have been avoiding sex together and tension is high. So if you can’t talk, get one of the dozens of excellent sex books like “Sannidhya –Sampurna Sex Guide” out there and point to a chapter. Cozy up and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh –and let your partner know you’re open to making things better between you.

7. Go Out With Friends Together

Desire feeds on newness. When you go out to a dinner party with other people, you get the chance to see your partner in afresh light. You remember how interesting and exciting she is – and she gets to see you shine as well. You remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place.

8. Specialists Can Help Combat Loss of Libido

When you have an electrical problem, you call an electrician, right? Sexologist can be just as helpful when it comes to loss of libido, so get over your resistance to asking for directions, and call one.

Check with your doctor or sexologist rule out any medical conditions that may be playing a part. If you are taking medication, such as an antidepressant, that may be causing loss of libido, discuss alternatives with your doctor.

——————

About: At present, Dr Paras Shah is Chief Sexologist of Gujarat Research & Medical Institute (Rajasthan Hospital) & Director of Sannidhya Institute & Research Center for Sex, Sexuality and Health.He is the worthy son of eminent surgeon Dr K K Shah whose successful career has been in existence for decades in Ahmedabad.

You can reach to him at:
Cell: +91 98240 63332
Email:     dr9824063332@in.com
Website: www.s4sq.com & http://www.impotenceinfocentre.com

About

Chief Consultant Sexologist & Fertility Specialist - Sal Hospital, Ahmedabad, Rajasthan Hospital, Ahmedabad and Apollo Clinic, Surat.

8 thoughts on “Why men lose interest in sex and 8 tips to rekindle desire

  1. Jayesh Parekh says:

    I don’t have loss of libido, but problem with me is, I come too fast. I’m not married, but I have girlfriend. I watch in porn movies that pornstars can enjoy sexual intercourse for a longer time. Can we also do so? Do they apply any gel on the man organ? I see in market, we have some spray available, should we try it? Is it harmful? Any gel you would suggest for a man to keep his semen for a longer time? This would be a great help.

    1. Dear Mr,

      Greetings!

      The premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual disorders, perhaps as common as the common cold. Generally ‘climaxing’ before one wants to, is considered as ‘premature ejaculation’. The premature ejaculation is defined as “persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, during, or shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it.”

      The causes may be primary, wherein the disorder exists from the beginning or secondary wherein it occurs subsequent to a prior normal function. The causes are situational or constitutional. Situational causes (usually primary) are Anxiety, Sexual inexperience, Deterioration of relationship, Victimization by partner, Prolonged abstinence, Unrealistic expectations from self/partner. Where as constitutional cause (usually secondary) are Diabetes mellitus, Neurological disorders & Genito-urinary pathology.

      Some cases of premature ejaculation are more severe, bringing the man to orgasm as soon as his penis makes vaginal contact. In less severe cases the man is able to make vaginal entry and stroke, but unable to maintain control in high levels of arousal. The voluntary ejaculator can sustain sexual intercourse in the “plateau” stage of arousal, maximizing sexual stimulation as the penis is at its most erect state before climax.

      Many techniques have been used to delay orgasm. The one you used is also common one. Other method commonly used by many includes mental arithmetic, local anesthetic ointment, wearing a disposable tissue and condom around the penis to decrease sensitivity, yogic exercises and oral medicine. Out of all these option only oral medicine is the only very effective way to handle premature ejaculation problem.

      1) Sexual Therapy

      Usually requires weeks of hourly sessions in attempt to determine causes and establish a keener sense of premonitory sensations.

      2) Rings

      Devise utilized to trap blood in the penis by applying pressure to the key arteries/vessels through which blood is transported into the penis. Commonly used to treat impotence but has become a method for preventing premature ejaculation too.

      3) Topical ointment

      Local anesthetic ointment used to reduce sensitivity in the highly sensitive areas of the organ. Usually applied 10 to 15 minutes prior to sexual contact. A Topical can be presented in a variety of ways, from an all-natural liquid roll on to spray on solutions. Researchers report side effects, typically “some degree of numbness of the penis.” Another downside was that the men were required to put on a condom before sex to ensure that the topical ointment does not affect partner. The cream’s effectiveness may diminish over time.

      4) Sexual Position

      The female superior position often helps delay the premature ejaculation.

      5) Yogic Exercises

      The Vajroli Mudra and the Ashwini Mudra could be of help in the treatment of premature ejaculation. These yogic exercises strengthen the anterior and posterior part of the pubococcygeus muscles respectively. Such exercises when done ten times, every morning and evening for six to eight weeks often give adequate control over the orgasmic reflex. Sometimes, practice of contracting the anterior part of the pubococcygeus muscle just prior to orgasmic (ejaculatory) inevitability during coitus helps to delay the orgasm (climax).

      6) Oral Medicine

      This medicines delivers the essential building blocks to the body necessary for optimal sexual performance. The men’s partners appreciated the treatment as well. According to the men’s reports, the women in their lives were more than twice as likely to have an orgasm when the men were using the treatment. They note, the problem of premature ejaculation may disappear after treatment of three months and make treatment unnecessary. However these medicines are not recommended for use if person is suffering from enlarged prostate.

      Regards

      Dr Paras Shah

  2. MAHESH SHAH says:

    I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT SURGICAL MAN’S PENY ENLARGEMENT & THICKENING. HOW IT WORKS & NAME AND ADDRESS OF SUCH DR & HOSP, AND COSTS FOR THE SAME. IS IT ADVISABLE AND IS HARMFUL ANY WAY IN FUTURE ? I ALSO WANT TO KNOW ABOUT VACCUM PUMS. WHERE TO GET THE SAME ? PL REPLY, SIR, I AM YOUR REGULAR READER IN DIYABHASKAR.

    1. Dear Mr,

      Greetings!

      Concern regarding penile size is as old as the human race. The width, length and erection of the penis varies from one individual to another as does the length of the nose, the depth and spacing of the eyes and the width of forehead. The average sexual length of the vagina is about 15cms and only the outer third (5cms) has the maximum nerve endings, the inner two-thirds (10cms) being virtually insensitive.

      If one wants to arouse his partner, he should concentrate on the area where there are maximum nerve endings i.e. the outer lips (labia majora) and the outer third i.e. outer 5 cms of the vagina. Therefore, for female sexual gratification, the size of the erect penis could be anything from 5cms plus. However, the size of the penis may be an important factor for women who harbour the myth man with a larger penis can satisfy his partner better than one with a smaller one. An archer is known by his aim and not by his arrow.

      And the length in the flaccid state is immaterial as it is used for urination only. It is the erect penis that is used for performing the sex act.

      Same way the width of the penis is also not important. Because the vagina is highly elastic. It can expand from the size of the little finger to that of the baby’s head. The vagina accommodates itself to the width and size of the inserted penis.

      However still if you want to increase the size of the penis, can be done at my hospital. Address is as follow,

      23 Jain Society

      Near Jalaram Temple

      Lane Opp Jayshiyaram Pendawala’s Shop

      Paldi

      Ahmedabad 380 006

      Office Numbers are 91-79-26578936/6164

      You need to take prior appointment and can be taken on above given office numbers.

      Regards
      Dr Paras Shah

  3. khan says:

    sir plz tel me obute shukranu kase bante hai me somoking karta hu….

  4. arth says:

    ડો.સાહેબ મારી ઉમર ૧૬ વર્ષ ની છે. મારું શિશ્ન ઉતેજીત અવસ્થામાં ૩.૫ ઇન્ચ જેટલું લાંબુ થાય છે.તો શિશ્ન મોટું કરવા ના ઉપાયો જણાવવા વિનંતી…….

  5. Imran khan says:

    Sir,
    I m your regular reader and i was suffering from E.D. And P.E. But i know that in every morning i got erection so it’s not any physical problem.and i consulted with psychologist and he prescribed me medicines like,sysmo,spenzo, gradually i got everything back and i enjoyed 7 to 6 time good sex but in now days 24 hours i m worried that my problem will be back and i m worried that what will happen i m so tense sometimes i think to suicide plz must reply me sir!!!

  6. anjalirichards says:

    I have a question? what do I do when I have a men that we have had a great sex life … now all he dos is play video games, when I whant sex I have to ask him.. it not that I am not ok looking… but he will watch porn, and if I am siting in my pantys he will sit there and jake off.. but then I am like ok he must want sex and then he tells me no…he’s tired, if I try to touch him he brishes my hand away…this has just resuntly staterd happing what do I do? I mean this is the father to my kids and we were supposed to get merried? what is going on?

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