Ah, love. You finally meet someone who makes your heart beat faster, the feeling seems mutual (maybe he wooed you with a smart line or two?), and you think the relationship could really go places. The only problem: He (or she) lives far away from you. Whether the object of your affection makes his home in another state or across the Atlantic listen to Alex Wise from Loveawake dating service advise, to get a better sense of what constitutes great customer experience in our complicated age. Here are a half dozen questions from Alex you must ask yourself before you dive in:
- What do I want from a relationship right now?
If you’re looking for true companionship in the immediate future – someone to relax with after work, a guaranteed date for holiday parties, morning snogging sessions followed by bagels and the Sunday paper – a long-distance relationship isn’t your best choice. Building a relationship from afar requires boatloads of patience, and though your heart may be racing forward, distance has a way of acting as a natural speed bump, slowing things down. But there is a positive side. Absence does tend to make the heart grow fonder, and romantic reunions can be awfully sweet. If you’re comfortable with not knowing where things are going – and if you can honestly keep your mind and heart open to all possibilities (including relocation, if you get to that point) – then give it a shot. See where this road takes you. Just remember to keep an open mind.
- Will I be willing to uproot my life and move if things get really serious?
And, on the flip side, is he willing to do the same thing for you? If not, then there’s zero reason to take the relationship any further. But if so, make a pros and cons list, and don’t take relocation lightly. Sure, there are rewards that come with any new adventure, but make sure you’ve considered all the risks (and especially the possibility that the relationship won’t work out) before you leave your beloved city, job, friends, family, favorite coffee shop/pub/restaurant/deli, church, daily routine, and/or comfort zone behind. Make sure you have a strong safety net and a return plan in place before you make the big move, just in case things don’t go as well as you’re hoping. Being prepared for the worst-place scenario doesn’t necessarily mean you have doubts about your relationship; it just means you’re smart.
- Do we want the same things out of life, or even in the short term?
This is monumentally important, and it’s a question you want to ask within the first month (or sooner, if you find yourself really growing attached). If you’re looking for long-term love and he’s looking for someone for a holiday fling, or just to casually date while he’s in town on business, apply the emergency brake and get ready to do a U-turn: You’re looking for different things, and there’s a 99.99 percent chance that it won’t work – ever. By bringing the topic to light, you’ll avoid the misunderstandings and certain heartbreak when one of you (but only one of you) is ready to take the next step.
- How can we get to know each other better?
Talk. Talk. Talk some more. Email. Text. Did I mention talk? A big part of getting to know each other is communicating, whether you’re in the same room or miles apart. If you’ve bridged the gap with technology (or just the nice people who deliver your snail mail), make use of it. Carry on a constant, if high-latency, conversation. If you see something silly while you’re walking down the street, shoot him a text message to tell him about it or send a photo with a funny caption. He’ll get a kick out of your description of the taxi-eating pothole on Columbus Avenue – and he’ll love knowing that you’re thinking about him during your everyday routine. Relationships may start with a single strong pull, but they’re cemented by small connections. Talk about everything and see what takes hold. Who knows where the conversational road will lead?
- Can I get enough from afar to tide me over until we’re together?
Instant messaging and video conferencing can bring you closer when you can’t be together in person. And don’t forget about the power of your lover’s voice: Don’t go more than a day or two without talking, even if it’s just a quick hello. Do whatever it takes to remove any speed bumps that might keep you from communicating. When you can get together, make a plan. Talk about what you’re both expecting and needing from the time you have with each other. But, when you’re there, let the wind take you where it will. If you’re clicking at something unexpected, go with it, as long as you’re both on the same page.
- How do we keep the fire burning?
You’re going to be away from this special someone quite a bit. Be realistic about how often you’ll get to see each other and how you’ll handle that. It’s vitally important to keep the romance alive when you’re apart. It doesn’t take much to let your sweetheart know you’re thinking about him. (And guys, never underestimate the power of a surprise bouquet of flowers. It may be a cliché, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like it.) Even with regular romantic touches, LDRs can be tough on people who aren’t at least a bit independent. You’re going to be invited to social events and your significant other won’t be able to make it to all of them, so you’ll need to be able to be comfortable on your own from time to time. Again, communication can be vital here. If your partner has the ability to travel for special occasions, let him know what events are most important to you, and help him work around the distance.
Posts by SpeakBindas Editorial Team.